There are many schools of thought when it comes to dating. Some people believe that, “you find someone when you least expect it”. Others feel we should approach finding a mate with the same fever that we do finding a new job, or a no-broker fee apartment. No matter which way you look at it, it’s safe to say that looking for love is one of the most debated topics there is.
When we’re young, finding love is something exciting with endless possibilities. Every first date comes with an element of elation, nerves and a general rush of excitement. Some of these dates end in serious relationships; while others of course, end in tears and heartbreak.
For many of us though, at one point the novelty of the search for new love wears off. We learn to brave the world alone, and no longer need the idea of a girlfriend or boyfriend to make us feel whole or complete. We fill our days with stressful, yet fulfilling careers, and our nights with booze, best friends and laughter. The idea of finding love isn’t something that’s given up on, but rather real life problems start to take precedence.
There’s the group of us though, that are neither here nor there. We aren’t cynical pessimists or sappy optimists, we aren’t Charlotte Yorks’ or Miranda Hobbs’. We hope for love, but know the realities of life alone.
So where does this leave us in the dating pool? Does our lack of clarity make us ill-suited for dating, or is this our strength? Does the ability to see flaws in our potential lovers, hold us back or move us forward?
The capacity to love others in spite of their shortcomings makes us stronger, not weaker. Hoping for love, while finding solace in solitude is a gift, not a curse. Knowing that love can enter our lives at any moment, while leaving us at the same time is just a fact of life.
In reality, most of us are not pure optimists or pessimists. Life isn’t black and white, and it would be futile to think we could go into every first date with the exuberance of our youth. But I don’t think that’s the point. I think the point is that despite how much we have to lose, it’s the moments of love and happiness we cling to and hope for again in the future. I don’t think we need to decide in this moment, whether we are optimists or pessimists. We just need to keep an iron in the fire, and know that even if we do all we can, and it doesn’t work out, at least we tried.